November 20, 2005: The New York Daily News story is picked up by newspapers across the country, including the Miami Herald, the Charlotte Observer, the Ottawa Citizen, the Pittsburgh Gazette, and the Seattle Times.
New York Daily News, Sept. 27, 2005
For Resumes, Just the Facts
By Lore Croghan, Daily News Business Writer
A resume is not an ad for the personals section of the newspaper.
But the guy who sent this résumé to job recruiter Jon Reed didn't seem to know the difference:
"Makes a strong and commanding presence - tall (6-feet-4, 235 pounds), athletic, sophisticated and mature," he wrote.
"Engaging personality with quick wit, warm smile, happy demeanor, high energy level and enthusiasm. Effervescent and fun to be around."
Reed and his colleague Rachel Meyers have seen mountains of bad resumes in their work as recruiters - so bad they're funny, except to the sorry souls who are trying to use them to get jobs.
Over the years, Reed and Meyers kept the worst ones in their "joke file" - which they broke open to write a new humor book called "Resumes from Hell."
It's filled with excerpts from real resumes, with the names changed to keep the job applicants from dying of embarrassment.
Beyond all the funny stuff, there are serious lessons to be learned - as the authors explained in an interview with Your Money.
They offered up their own Dirty Dozen - the 12 biggest mistakes people make with their resumes.
Avoid these blunders at all costs
12. Using distracting fonts, formats or graphics. Even if you're applying for an arts or graphics job, it's a mistake to do an elaborate design. When you E-mail it to a hiring manager, there's no telling what it will look like on his computer, Meyers said.
11. Taking an overly informal, conversational tone. This is wrong whether it's in the resume itself or your cover letter, your E-mail correspondence with your potential employer - or the E-mail address you use. E-mail addresses are free - get a new one for your job search that gives you a professional identity, Reed said. You can do better than the job applicants who sent him resumes from email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org.
10. Including your salary requirements. It's too soon to bring up the subject of money when you haven't even landed a job interview. "You need to obtain as many job offers as possible - then attack the issue of money from a position of strength," Reed said.
9. Dissing your past and present employers. "This makes you look bad," Meyers said. "It signals you aren't part of the team, you don't get along."
8. Submitting a resume that's more than three pages long. Reed said he frequently gets resumes of seven to 15 pages. One 18-page resume came with a table of contents.
7. Including hobbies and interests. "There are rules to the job-application game," Reed said. "On paper, you should present yourself as someone who's all about work."
For instance, you may think snowboarding makes you seem adventurous and well-rounded. The potential employer who sees this on your resume pictures you in the hospital, in traction, unable to work. Not good.
6. Listing reasons for leaving your current and past jobs. That's a topic to tackle in job interviews - if you're asked - with an answer that doesn't bad-mouth anybody and puts you in a positive light.
5. Dropping names of celebrities, politicians and business moguls. "It never comes off right - and people do it all the time," Reed said.
4. Failing to catch typos. It calls into question your attention to detail.
3. Lying. "It's playing with fire," Meyers said.
2. Failing to attach a cover letter. "It looks lazy," Reed said.
1. Failing to customize your resume to the job you're applying for. "With resumes, one size does not fit all," Reed explained.
TOO MUCH INFORMATION:
Name: Dr. Ravesh Bharatham
Date of birth: July 23, 1972
Marital Status: Unmarried
1. A mole below the right shoulder near the neck.
2. A light mole on the chin at the left side.
When I saw your ad in the paper, my eyeballs literally fell out!
ACTUALLY, I'M NOT AS QUALIFIED AS YOU THINK I AM:
July 1990 to October 1991
Responsible for Purchasing, DTP and Unix system support.
YEAH, BUT HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL? (BAD-MOUTHING THE BOSS):
Things were great on the programing side, but on the company politics side, things were going to hell fast. The President of TrueVisionWare, Burt Nehlseen, is one of those psychotic high school bullies that enjoy torturing small animals. His favorite pastime is to call up his competitors and spread rumors, thus screwing over people he has never even met.
Personality and other stuff:
If your are still reading this, my guess is you probably do have something in mind for me... so stick a bit longer... you might just learn something interesting...
I like when things are moving (fast and forward hopefully), and I tend to get jumpy when things are slow (inaction melts my brain cells).